Thursday, 7 August 2014

Silly parenting thoughts of the day (another day in motherhood)

Do you ever talk about motherhood or parenting in a negative manner? I am constantly worrying that I do this far too much. 
I do secretly feel envious when friends say to me that their friend, who is usually a new mum in the conversation, is loving everything about motherhood, and that "she was definitely made to be a mum". Mainly because I worry no one would say this about me. It sounds ridiculous writing it down, (and reading it back to myself) but that is how I often feel, and so I wonder if you ever feel like that too or is it just me?!
I do have a tendency to talk about motherhood "as it really is", the good and the bad, according to my friends. I don't know if it is the French side of me (think "brutally honest" at times), but that is just the way I am. I am working on thinking more before I speak, but I still have a little way to go.
Thinking about it, I think there are also other factors involved... When I became a parent, most of my friends were not in that phase yet. I now have more friends who have joined the "club", but only a few. Same at work, only a few of my friends and colleagues are entering/have entered this new phase of their life. The others are still able to go out and have a drink whenever they like and socialise on a regular basis... I do feel slightly jealous everytime they head off to the sun for lazy drinks outside. I therefore do occasionally feel a little isolated as a mum, which i think a lot of parents must feel when they find themselves in a completely new world, which is very different to their previous one...
This is not to say I don't love being a mum, but at the same time I do miss the liberty and flexibility my life had pre-kids. And there I go again, does this sound negative? I don't mean it to... just being honest.
I also used to be called Monalot as a kid... as in... moan-a-lot. This honestly took me until my teens to realise the meaning of this nickname... shocking! Because of this, I am now paranoid as coming across as moaning too much... In reality, I honestly don't think that I moan any more than the next person, but I still remain worried about this.
Because of all this, I often find myself either going on and on about the children to my mostly childless friends and colleagues... to the point that I can't help but imagine that I sound like that girl in American Pie "and this one time, in Band camp...". Naturally, Siena and Hugo are a massive part of my life. Also because of the reduced socialising as per the above, it is true that they have become the main topic of conversation I have. I know that most of the stories I have, are probably mainly cute/adorable/the best mainly in my eyes, and Barry's, and my family and close friends... but I can't help sharing them. They just make me so happy!
I do also have a tendency to complain a little (!) of lack of sleep and feeling overall very tired when the kids don't sleep through the night (Siena is awake as we sleep speak and Hugo is teething so restless), whether directly or via Facebook. When I eventually wake up or calm down from my bad mood, I worry that I am one of those people you read on facebook, always complaining and moaning about one thing or another... and so I feel bad. But I also manage to successfully overload people's Facebook with happy posts with lots of cake. So surely it is just a way of keeping the right balance on my status? :oP
I am not 100% sure where my train of thought is taking me tonight... I guess I just started off the day badly and felt a little overwhelmed. But I took the kids out for lunch, got a few bits from the nearby shops I needed (and more, always more...) and by the time we got home, we had all cheered up and enjoyed cuddles, silly kisses and giggles before bedtime. And it is then that I truly remember that it is the small things that become the big things.
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Do you ever have silly parenting fears/worries/concerns pop up into your head? What is your way of dealing with them? Please do share x
ps: no matter my fears, at least I have nothing on these guys!
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*All images unless otherwise noted are my own, so please do not use them without my permission.*
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